Light a candle!
911 2001
This is a collection of funnies!
|
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live. 6. I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. 7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses? 8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong? 10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 11. Is there another word for synonym? 12. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? 13. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all? 14. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? 15. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 16. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 17. Why do they lock gas station restrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? 18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? 19. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? 20. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? 21. If police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? 22. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? 23. How do they get deer to cross at the yellow road sign? 24. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? 25. What was the best thing before sliced bread? 26. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. 27. How is it possible to have a civil war? 28. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? 29. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? 30. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? 31. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it? 32. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "Assteroids"? 33. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? 34. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of the song? 35. Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket? 36. If the "blackbox" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of this stuff? 37. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? |
Take all of the rubble, all of the huge blocks of concrete and steel, the old busted up computers, refrigerators, hot water heaters, air conditioners, lazy boy recliners, etc. Shovel it into C130's and C5A's, fly over Afghanistan, and shove them out from 32,000 feet. You know, an old Coldspot can do a hell of a lot of damage from 5 miles up! With each assault we can drop leaflets "Greetings, from the 110th floor of the World Trade Center". The next day it could be from the 109th floor of the World Trade Center". The next day it could be from the 108th floor, third day 107th, etc., etc. After 110 days of this I can't imagine much left standing on the ground. I can just see the headlines now "WORLD TRADE CENTER STRIKES BACK"! What wonderful irony this would be, and think how much money we wouldn't have to spend on bombs or missiles. And if that isn't enough, we could do the same for tower 1 and 2 to make it 220 days of debris. |
xob xinu siht ni
!tuo em teL
